


Everything I Should Have Said

by parkjaes



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-11-26 19:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkjaes/pseuds/parkjaes
Summary: Jae is a senior in university and the last 5 years have been nothing but sick routines and boba runs with his best friend, Young K.Wonpil is a freshman in university with a big outlook on life. New city, new faces, the only two things familiar to Wonpil is coffee in his veins and his best friend Dowoon.What happens when two polar opposites come together?What is created?What is written?A love story?A tragedy?Or worse,Nothing?





	1. Self-Introductions and Untouched Boba

> _“Which love stories hurt the most, Wonpil?”_   
_ The coffee had gone cold and all the air in the room had been sucked out. Jae stared at Wonpil in hopes that his eyes would do the talking._   
_ “Some might say the most heart-wrenching ones would be the stories where one walks away without notice. Or where someone dies.”_   
_ Jae added in an attempt to blur the message he wanted to send._   
_ “What do you think, Wonpil?”_   
_ “I’m not sure, Jae hyung. Maybe the love stories that hurt the most are the ones--”_   
_ There is a sudden warmth that fell on Wonpil’s hand. His hyung’s hand is on his and suddenly he is unable to speak. He looked up and saw tears welling up in Jae’s eyes._   
_ “... are the ones that are never written.”_   
_ The warmth on his hand left almost just as quickly as Jae. In a blink of an eye, Wonpil was all alone in the cafe with no air to breathe and only cold coffee to drink. He stared at the space once occupied by Jae and said under his breath,_   
_ “We should have written it then.”_

  
“Time is a friend, they say. Nice to meet you, I am Jae. The one person in the universe time decided was her enemy.” Jae is the only senior in a class of 30 freshmen. Humiliating? Not so much. Jae isn’t the type to be bothered by such petty things. Bothersome? Hardly. The only thing bothering him at this point is the one loud freshman who seems to be the friend of the entire campus.  
“Your degree program, Jae?” His professor asks as he starts to walk to the back of the room before even finishing his introduction.  
“Oh, right. Political Science.”  
“And you are in a creative writing class for what reason?”  
If Jae were to be honest, it was just because no one else wanted to take this class and it had slots open. He had to graduate and he was just missing this one unit.  
“I guess I just have a lot of feelings and thoughts I want to learn to pen down into words, sir.” Jae replies and finally gets the go signal to settle down in his seat.  
“Thank you, Jae. We are glad to have you.” His professor stares at him with skeptical eyes, seeing through the seemingly poetic reason. “Kim Wonpil, your turn.”

* * *

“I kid you not, man! The minute that friendly freshman went up for his self-introduction, the room suddenly became a lot brighter. Dude the rain! IT STOPPED. He was like some sort of bright energy that just took over.” Jae tells his roommate for the last 5 grueling years, Young K, over the boba they’d been wanting to get for weeks now.  
“What, are you implying he’s a light bulb or something? Pure coincidence. You know weather out here changes fast.” Young K knows Jae has a magic with words and can talk about seemingly simple moments seem like a once in a lifetime experience.  
“No, man, I’m telling you if he is anything, he isn’t a light bulb. Light bulbs go out over time and flicker. His brightness does not falter and is good to last maybe for the next 500 million years. He’s the sun.” Young K chuckles and points to Jae’s boba which has left untouched for the last 20 minutes they’d been talking.

“Drink up. Stop thinking about the Sun.”

  
And just as Jae starts to sip and his mind had began drifting off to any place other than the Sun, almost like a joke, the universe conspires and Kim Wonpil walks into the same boba place.  
“Jae hyung sunbaenim!” As quickly as a reflex, Jae puts his boba down and waves his hands high up in the air and approaches Wonpil who is in line. “Wonpil! Nice to see you here. We were just about to head out.” He says with a smile plastered on his face. He tells himself to lessen the smile and put in a more serious tone than the one he is using now but his body doesn’t seem to listen. Something about Wonpil makes him lose all control and just lighten up in the easiest and most automatic way.  
“I figured. I don’t usually go for boba. I’m actually more of a coffee person.” Ear to ear, Wonpil’s smile radiates so much warmth that it spills over to his words.  
“Oh, what brings you here then?” Jae asks.  
“Honestly?” Wonpil looks down at the ground and hesitates.  
“Honestly?” One thing Jae hates are sentences left unfinished._ They leave too much room for open endings!_ He remembers the words of their creative writing professor during their first lecture.  
Young K stands up from his seat and heads over to where Jae and Wonpil are. He grabs Jae by the arm and says “Jae, it’s almost time for our class. We have to go.”  
“Wait, Wonpil was going to tell me something. Wonpil?” _Open endings leave too much room for interpretation. It is scary but isn’t a little thrill what makes a story the emotional rollercoaster that it is?_ Jae wasn’t ready to have an open ending.  
“Honestly, sunbaenim, I just wanted something new for a change. That’s all. You should get going.” Wonpil smiles and looks Jae in the eye. “See you tomorrow, Jae sunbaenim.” And even if they are just inches apart, Wonpil has signaled that he is too far for any new conversation to be made.  
“Oh, alright. Enjoy your drink then. See you.” The door opens and Wonpil is alone.

“Honestly, I came for you.” Wonpil whispers under his breath as he steps out of the line and heads out just moments after Jae. “Maybe next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1! I've actually written about half of it but I just want to see if there's anyone going to read and be interested in the story lol it's my FIRST TIME EVER to write a fic and FIRST TIME TO POST AHHHHH SO I HOPE IT DOESN'T FLOP AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT THANK YOU!!!


	2. To love is to carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to push through with this. I said I wrote half but after reading what I prepared, I realized there's a lot I want to change. I'm definitely going to be updating this as often as I can and 90% of my day I am on my computer so rest assured I'll be writing. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Please comment and stuff. It will really help a first time AU writer like me. Thanks!!!

“He has a boyfriend. That was his boyfriend. I should have known. He has a boyfriend. That was his boyfriend. I should have known. He has a boyfriend. That was his boyfriend. I should have known.” Wonpil is pacing the room and his roommate and best friend, Dowoon, can do nothing but watch. Wonpil repeats the same lines over and over hoping that in repetition, the truth will sink in and his feelings would disappear just as quickly as they came. “Wonpil hyung, its been 20 minutes. I won’t stop you but at least drink water. Your lips are chapped.” Dowoon gets up from his comfortable position and hands Wonpil a glass of cold water. He has never seen Wonpil this rattled since that time his best friend Sungjin left for Busan a year ago.

“Thank you Dowoonie.” Wonpil finally stops and accepts that words are just words and its repetition does not lessen its sting. 

“What happened, hyung? Is it that senior in your creative writing class?” Growing up in Busan has given Dowoon that kick in his accent that makes him sound like he’s always ready to fight. Often he has to put a disclaimer that he isn’t mad and it’s just his accent but this time is different. He sees the distress in Wonpil’s eyes and is ready for whatever. 

“Yes. I followed him and this guy to the boba place near campus. I wanted to get to talk to him to get to know him but… when I entered after a long time of contemplating and pacing back and forth, two things happened.” The warmth in Wonpil’s tone has disappeared almost entirely. 

“First thing. I was outside for almost 20 minutes so when I came in, he was on his way out.” 

“Hyung, that’s not too bad!” Dowoon feels a hint of hope that this story will end well. But that hope fades when Wonpil continues. 

“Second thing, he was with a guy he seemed so close with. When he saw us starting to talk, he cut our conversation short. He was obviously his boyfriend.” Wonpil realises right there and then that it isn’t repetition that he needs, it’s a loud, verbalised acceptance of what he is really afraid of. “He’s taken. And my feelings will just stay bottled up forever. It’s okay.” Wonpil tells Dowoon and Dowoon can feel the obvious pain in his words. “Hyung, a hug?” If there is anyone who knows Wonpil best, it would have to be Dowoon. And Wonpil knows this. He falls into Dowoon’s arms and feels so at home at the level of familiarity in his embrace. “It’s going to be okay, Wonpil hyung.” 

“It’s okay, Dowoonie. Loving him alone is my burden to carry. It is mine to bear.” Wonpil says and begins to repeat it in his mind in the hopes that the truth will find a way to engrave itself into his mind. 


	3. Orbiting the sun

“Honestly? He just wanted to try something new? Young K I swear if you hadn’t stepped in there I’m sure he would have said something else entirely. What were you thinking?” Jae is angry, to say the least. But he can’t let it show. Why is he so affected? 

“I told you, the little freshman looked like he was about to faint! I don’t think he likes you that much. He was going pale by the second I couldn’t bear to watch someone faint in our favorite boba place.” Young K says unfazed and unaware of everything going on at the back of Jae’s head. In their being roommates for 5 years, one thing Young K knew to be true is that Jae has a way of hiding emotions. Up to this day, Young K still is unsure when Jae is being sincere and when he isn’t. This moment is another one of those. 

“Then you should have asked if he’s okay! Not pull me away from the conversation!” Jae could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he couldn’t deny it anymore--he is furious at Young K for what he did. But why? Why is he mad? 

Is it because he genuinely wanted to know what Wonpil would say or because he was scared Wonpil might have gotten the wrong idea? 

Either way, the anger is stemming from a much stronger emotion. 

Love? 

It’s too soon to say but Jae is sure Wonpil isn’t just another freshman. He isn’t just another boy. 

Maybe when Jae said he is the sun, he didn’t just mean it in the way that he brightens up the room. 

When Jae said he is the sun, he meant that, like the sun, he has his own natural pull. No distance is ever safe from the gravity he holds in his eyes. 

Like the sun, anything that gets around his atmosphere will revolve around him. 

And Jae has stepped into an area where the pull is at its strongest and the tendency to revolve is at its peak. 

Love? 

Maybe. 

“Why are you so mad about it anyway? Just a few days ago you labeled him the annoying freshman and suddenly one class introduction, you sound like you’re head over heels for the guy. What’s up?” Young K snaps Jae out of his trance and halts his train of thought. 

“He just seems interesting. Someone I genuinely want to get to know.” Safe answer, Jae thinks to himself. 

“Then go do that.” Young K isn’t ever sure when Jae is being sincere or insincere, but Young K is always sure when Jae is determined to do something, he goes for it with all his heart.

“I will.” Jae says, confidently. 

Wonpil is the Sun and he is a planet in the same galaxy. 

What a time to be alive.

Love at first sight?

Yes.


	4. 5-7-5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, time for the plot to thicken. Thanks for reading!

Wonpil is always on time. In fact, he is a little too on time. “Hyung, what time is it?” Dowoon asks groggily, disturbed by the singing he can hear from the shower no matter how beautiful Wonpil’s voice is. “Dowoonie, what?” Wonpil shouts back, unable to hear anything from the music blasting through the four walls. Dowoon gets up and checks his phone and sees that it’s only 5:30 in the morning. He knocks almost angrily at the bathroom door, “Wonpil hyung, isn’t your Creative Writing class at 9? That’s roughly 3 hours away.” Dowoon gets his tone in check. He could never get mad at Wonpil for anything. Anything. 

Wonpil turns the shower off and steps out into the cold, drying himself and getting ready to dress up. “Well, Dowoonie, I couldn’t sleep so I thought I might as well get ready early.” Wonpil replies the minute he opens the door of the bathroom to head to his closet filled with plain white shirts and a variety of caps. “Okay, hyung. I don’t want to ask what or better yet, WHO kept you up all night but… just be careful, hyung. I don’t want you to get hurt. Not again.” Dowoon says, before settling back down onto his bed. “Dowoon, that was the past. I’m better now. By the way, do you happen to have a collared shirt I can borrow?” Wonpil turns to see Dowoon already dozed off like he wasn’t just banging at the bathroom door moments ago. “Ah, my baby.” 

On a normal day, you’d see Wonpil dawning nothing but a white shirt and shorts that go above the knee. “Never sacrifice comfort for style.” Wonpil always told Sungjin back when Sungjin would tease him for his simple style. 

But today wasn’t a normal day. Today was Creative Writing day. Today was “We get to see Park Jaehyung sunbaenim day.” 

And so Wonpil sacrificed the comfort of his plain white shirt for a button up that left him feeling choked. He sacrificed the comfort of his shorts for the tightness of jeans and all the heat it seems to attract. 

So when Wonpil enters the room and doesn’t see Jae seated anywhere, he is nothing short of disappointed. He checks his watch over and over, until finally, when 9:30 hits, a sweaty, frantic looking Park Jaehyung enters the room. Wonpil is always the type of student to sit nearest to the professor, not just to hear the lecture well but also to be remembered well by the professors. He was an A+ student like that. 

But he knew Jae always sat at the back of the room and so, as if he hadn’t broken enough rules today, Wonpil went along and found a place in the area he never thought he would be in. “Is this seat taken?” Jae asks Wonpil, catching his breath. “It is now. It’s yours, Jae hyung.” Wonpil realizes that came off a little too strong and goes red from embarrassment. Did he let it show a little too much? “Thanks, Pil. Can I call you Pil?” Jae is wiping the sweat from his brows and is getting settled in and Wonpil can’t help but notice the sparkle in his eyes. “Pil. Yeah. Of course, Jae hyung.” 

* * *

“Haiku, 5, 7, 5. That sequence of information sound familiar in your heads?” The professor asks the class and Jae is surprised he actually knows what he’s talking about. “You’re old enough to figure out what we’re going to do next. Go grab a partner and make a haiku. A haiku usually takes nature as the central theme but for today, how about we let you be free to explore whatever you want?” Jae takes a look at Wonpil and thinks to himself, _ This is my chance. _“Wonpil, want to work on it together?” Jae gives himself a mental pat on the back for the display of courage. “I’d love to, hyung!” And just as Jae is about to pull out his laptop from his bag, Wonpil slams the thickest notebook Jae had ever seen onto his desk and 5 pens of different colors. “That’s… that’s really cute,” Jae chuckles, amused at how Wonpil is turning out to be far more interesting than he had realized. He realizes he’s been staring for too long and his eyes have crinkled to a smile for far too long and snaps out of his little moment. “Shall we start?” Wonpil nods and immediately, the two sit in silence. As if they have been writing together for the longest time, the silence isn’t dead. It isn’t awkward. It is thick with chemistry and their silence fills the air with refreshing colors. 

And as if it were scripted, they both break through the quiet and share the one idea that they couldn’t seem to shake off. 

“Gravity!” 

Jae and Wonpil take a good look at each other, dumbfounded at the common ground they had just landed on. 

“You read my mind.” Jae says, still a little shaken by the moment. 

“Hyung, with all due respect, I think you read mine.” Wonpil replies, clearly amazed and even happy about it. 

“Let’s start then? How about I do the first 5 syllables and you do the last 5. For the second line, how about we split the count? I can take 4 syllables you take 3?” Jae asks, pushing aside the buzz of chemistry that is thick in the air to focus on what has to be done. 

“Sounds great.” 

And once again, silence sits between them. 

But the good kind. 

The artsy kind. 

“Alright, everyone, once you’re done with your haiku, leave it on my desk and you’re free to go.” The professor manages to squeeze in a couple reminders despite all the packing up and the noise. 

“Good work today, Pil.” Jae pats Wonpil on the back and gives him a reassuring smile. 

“You did great too, Jae hyung.” Wonpil says, smiling ear to ear. 

“See you, Pil.” 

“See you, Jae hyung.” 

_ Gravity _

_ A helpless pulling _

_ I am in your universe _

_ Falling into you _

_ \- PJH x KWP _


	5. Gravity & Fortnite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighttttt we got more action. Sorry if I got some terms wrong especially with the game play of Fortnite. :)) but hey thanks for still reading!!!!!!!!!! hope i do justice to the beauty that is Jaepil
> 
> After this chapter, its angst hours!

“Wonpil hyung, please. Download Fortnite. Let’s play together. Please. I need a teammate. PLEASE.” Dowoon pulls on Wonpil’s sleeve the same way a toddler would to his/her parent. “I promise, I will protect you. I just need a friend to play with. It’s more fun that way.” 

“Dowoonie, I told you. I don’t like games that involve guns. Why would I hurt anyone, even virtually?” Wonpil replies, standing from his bed to grab a glass of water. “Let’s just play Sims. I’m getting married today and you’re invited.” 

“I wonder what Jae is doing right now,” he thinks to himself and reaches for his pockets to check if Jae had tweeted anything. “@yellowpostitman, that’s my handle. Don’t worry, I follow back.” Remembering Jae’s words were enough to fill Wonpil’s tummy with butterflies. 

“Wait, where’s my phone?” And to absolutely no one’s surprise, Wonpil’s phone is in Dowoon’s hand. 

“Hyung, please. I’m begging you. Just one game.” Dowoon says with the shyest of tones but with a confidence that stemmed from knowing that Wonpil would have no choice but to agree.

“Okay, fine Dowoonie. Teach me the basics. We play one game and that’s it.” 

* * *

  
“Young K, you will not believe this. So I went Team Rumble and guess how many kills I got?” Sounding like a kid on Christmas day, Jae is filled with excitement he’s shaking Young K awake from his 4th nap of the day. 

“As long as it’s more than 1, it’s a success. You always say that. So, 2?” Young K rubs the sleep off of his eyes and glares at Jae, hoping the message of  _ Why did you wake me up?!  _ Sends itself through his eyes. 

“You of little faith! Your boy got, drum roll please.” Jae’s eyes are beaming with pride and Young K is ready for him to talk about this for the next 3 weeks. “Alright, no drum roll, fine. I got 54 kills!” 

There is silence, and then, 

There are cheers. “You got what?!” The news of Jae getting 54 out of the 100 kills needed to win the match is enough to get Young K off of his bed and joining the party Jae is throwing. “All together now! Fifty! Four! Fifty! Four!” Jae is filled with celebration, jumping on his bed only to be halted by Young K’s question that brings reality crashing down.

“Wait, how did you even get 54 kills? Did you just kill the same player over and over?” 

“User pianomanpil, you just made someone’s day.” Jae replies and goes back to his celebration. 

“Man, and here I was thinking you were actually getting better. Wake me up when something really good happens.” Young K tucks himself back into bed. “Oh, and Jae, could you go to the cafe and grab me an Americano? I won’t function tonight without it. You can play Fortnite there too. Internet is a lot better.” Jae knows how important having at least 4 Americanos a day is to Young K and so he turns off the party lights, grabs his jacket and makes his way to the cafe. 

* * *

Wonpil is close to crying but tries to hold it together and look like he’s having fun. He can’t embarrass himself in a cafe filled with people from his university. “Dowoonie, you said you would protect me. You knew yellowpostitman was after me but you… YOU LEFT ME.” Wonpil says, still smiling but his tone filled with anger. “Hyung, I can’t protect you forever. You’re going to need to learn to defend yourself. I taught you the basics like I promised…” Dowoon says, eyes glued to his current Fortnite match. “Yes! We won again!” Fist up high, Dowoon realizes that Wonpil’s devastation wasn’t a joke. “Hyung, one more game? I’ll protect you this time. I promise.” He puts his hand on his hyung’s to reassure him and Wonpil can’t resist Dowoon, especially when he’s being all cute like that. “Okay, one more game.” 

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a rifle  _

_ Iamthedrum eliminiated yellow postitman with a sniper _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated iamthedrum with a rifle _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a rifle  _

_ Pianomanpil got lost in the storm _

_ Painomanpil got lost in the storm _

_ Iamthedrum eliminated yellowpostitman with a revolver  _

_ Pianomanpil eliminated yellowpostitman with a shotgun  _

“YES! FINALLY!” Wonpil’s voice echoes throughout the cafe, loud enough for him to be under people’s glares. “Oops, I’m sorry.” 

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a revolver  _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a revolver _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a shotgun  _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated iamthedrum with a shotgun _

_ Iamthedrum got lost in the storm  _

_ Pianomanpil got lost in the storm _

_ Yellowpostitman eliminated pianomanpil with a sniper  _

_ Yellowpostitman won the match!  _

“HA! SUCK IT!” All eyes have shifted from Wonpil to another man in a hoodie seated at the corner opposite them. “Sorry.” The man says. He stands up and that’s when Wonpil sees him. All 6 feet of him. Messy hair and round glasses. Walking with that slight kick in his step. His shoes put on hurriedly, turning his vans into flip flops. 

Jae. 

Immediately, Wonpil stands up and walks towards him. 

> _ I am in your universe. _
> 
> _ Falling into you. _

* * *

Jae noticed Wonpil sitting with a guy at his favorite spot in the cafe. They seemed close. Almost a little too close. “What are they doing here? They aren’t even talking. That guy with Wonpil is glued to his phone. He doesn’t even pay any attention to him. Jerk.” Did it hurt? Jae didn’t want to admit that to himself but it bothered him enough to want to hide. “I’m just going to get this Americano and go.” He thought to himself. And that’s when he heard them talking. 

That’s when he heard his name being talked about. 

Yellowpostitman. 

Were they playing Fortnite? 

“Right. Young K said something about the internet here being stable. Just one game.” Jae thought to himself and settled down. 

Midgame, Jae sees a rather famillar name.“Pianomanpil? Him again?” And that’s when it hits him. 

“Pianomanpil? Pil? WONPIL?” Jae forgets all logic and the fact that there are over a million people who could possibly have the same name and that people don’t even use their names for a username on a game like Fortnite. “This is Wonpil. There’s only one way to find out.” Jae decides he’s his target and if he hears a shout of frustration on the other end of the table, he’s right. 

And right he was. 

Each time Jae would eliminate pianomanpil (he had memorized his character’s look by now) he would look up from his screen to see Wonpil’s reaction. 

Anger.

Shock.

Distress.

Frustration.

Jae was sure. 

But he wanted to be more certain. He would let pianomanpil eliminate him just once. 

And when Wonpil put a spotlight over his head and shouted “YES! FINALLY!” Jae was sure it was him. 

“HA! SUCK IT!” Victory Royale was Jae’s and it felt even extra special considering how many times he eliminated that jerk beside Wonpil. And, well, Wonpil himself. He decides it’s time to get back to the dorm just imagining how Young K must be malfunctioning without his coffee. 

And that’s when he’s stopped dead in his tracks because right in front him stands the man crowding his thoughts ever since he met him. 

Kim Wonpil. 

Damn. 

> _ A helpless pulling. _
> 
> _ I am in your universe.  _

* * *

“Wonpil!” Jae greets Wonpil, trying his best to hide the hint of jealousy in his tone seeing that man standing behind him with his hand resting on his shoulder. “What’s up?”  _ Did that sound cool enough? Chill enough? Oh my god.  _ Jae thinks to himself. “Hyung! It’s so good to see you here. If you hadn’t shouted I wouldn’t have guessed you were here. What were you shouting about?” Wonpil asks, tapping Dowoon’s hand whose grip is tightening by the second.  _ Dowoonie, please don’t worry.  _ He tries to say through his gesture. “Ah, hyung, this is Dowoon. My roommate and bestest friend in the whole wide world.” Wonpil grabs Dowoon’s hand, pulls it off of his shoulder and puts it out in the space between him and Jae for a handshake. 

Jae reaches back and shakes hands with the man he now knows is Dowoon. 

“Hey, Dowoon. I’m Jae. So is he your boyfriend, Pil?” Jae has let go of whatever filters he had, whatever faking and whatever Mr. Nice Guy image he had built, he just crushed it and wants answers. 

Wonpil is caught off guard by the sudden question. Jae is starting to get red all over and Wonpil can only wonder why. Is he allergic to something? Is it the lighting? Is he angry? 

But Wonpil so badly wants it to be the last reason he has in mind. 

Is he jealous? 

“Oh, hyung, no. He’s just a friend. A brother, actually. More of a brother.” Wonpil says, patting his cheeks just to make sure they aren’t going hot from all the emotions he’s feeling.  _ Why does Jae care?  _

And like someone turned on all the lights, there was suddenly a shift in energy between the three standing by the cafe entrance. It was lighter, brighter, and the tension was almost gone.

Not until it hit Wonpil. 

Who was that guy with Jae in the boba place? Inspired by Jae’s lack of filters, Wonpil decides to go for it and ask a question along the same line. 

“Hyung, what about you? Was that guy with you in the Boba place your boyfriend?” 

Jae is surprised that Wonpil still remembers that day as if it were yesterday. Jae wasn’t one to read too deep into things but he realized that if that moment had space to be remembered by Wonpil, then wasn’t it important to him? 

And why was Wonpil bothered by Young K? 

Was he…..

Jealous? 

“Right back at you, Pil. He’s just a friend. Like Dowoon is to you, he’s a brother to me too.His name is Young K.” 

The tension is sucked right out of the room and Jae and Wonpil exchange reassuring smiles. 

“Oh, good to know Young K is just a friend.” Wonpil says, realizing that Jae might have misread that. Wonpil is about to correct himself and add details to blur the message when, for the nth time that day, he is caught off guard.

“Yeah, good to know Dowoon is just a friend too.” Jae responds. 

“Hyungs, not to break the moment but… we’re kind of blocking the entrance.” Dowoon is holding the door open for people exiting and gesturing that it’s okay to pass through.

“I’m heading back to my dorm anyway. I’ll see you in Creative Writing, Wonpil?” Jae asks, snapping out of the moment and zoning back into reality. “Yes, hyung. See you then.” Wonpil replies and right before Jae exits the door and leaves completely, he tells Wonpil one last thing that gets Wonpil floored. 

“Next time, let me protect you. Pianomanpil.” 

Wonpil swears that the gravity just got stronger because he couldn’t have ever imagined falling this hard for Jae. 


	6. Running & Leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here we go.

“I like you, hyung. And not just as my friend. I like you in a way I want to be with you. In a way I want to be the one you come home to. Hyung, if I could stop loving you believe me, I would. But seeing you with him hurts. Looking at you hurts.” Wonpil was trembling, the words he had just let go of slowly registering in his head. No matter how ridiculous all of it sounded to him, he couldn’t stop.

“Let him go and be with me. I hate it. I hate seeing you happy and I know it’s not because of me. I hate seeing you sad and I know if it were me instead of him, you would never be that way. I hate that I can never hold you. I hate that I can never have you. I hate it.” Sungjin stared at Wonpil blankly. But the weight of worry was greater than shock and, like old times, Sungjin approached Wonpil for an embrace. 

“Don’t.” Wonpil took a step back and for the first time, rejected his warmth. 

“What am I to you, hyung?” Wonpil’s tone was firm but shaky, the kind you would hear from someone moments from falling apart. 

“Am I just a friend? Am I always just going to be a friend? Because I can’t do this anymore, hyung. I want to be more. Call me selfish, call me hopeless, call me what you want. But, to me, you will always be the one I want to be with.” If this were a different time and a different situation, what Wonpil said might have sounded sweet. 

But with the look in Sungjin’s eyes, he knew none of it changed his mind. 

His words were just as empty as Sungjin’s feelings for him. 

But Wonpil wasn’t finished and he had one last thing he wanted to get off his chest. 

“What did you find in him that you could never find in me?” 

Sungjin couldn’t bear any of this anymore. The shock had finally taken over and it had left him speechless. “I’m sorry, Wonpil.” Sungjin could only muster an apology, afraid that anything he would say would trigger Wonpil in ways he wouldn’t want to. 

Sungjin reached for his pocket just to make sure he hadn’t lost the small box. “Wonpil, he’s there. I should get going.” Sungjin pulled out the box he had been keeping a secret for months now out of his pocket and headed into the boba place he and Wonpil used to love. 

“I love you, Sungjin.” Wonpil whispered under his breath. 

Wonpil had never felt so vulnerable. 

He had never felt so weak.

He had never felt so hurt.

But most importantly

He had never felt so powerless watching the love of his life get engaged to someone who wasn’t him. 

“I never liked boba anyway.” Wonpil said, as he took one last look through the glass windows to see the love of his life in the arms of another. 

Wonpil doesn’t want to remember that night. 

But he will never forget that looking at them hurt. 

Wonpil doesn’t want to remember Sungjin. 

But he will never forget that looking at him hurt.

And it was on that night Wonpil swore to never love again. 

* * *

So when morning strikes and Wonpil sees Sungjin and the man who took him away walking his daily route, Wonpil reminds himself what he promised that night. 

To never love again. 

“Wonpil.” Sungjin says when their paths cross. 

But Wonpil knows that words are cruel and the minute they are out in the open, they take a life that is completely their own. 

So he stays quiet. 

And runs. 

Runs. 

Runs.

Runs. 

Runs. 

Runs until he is far away enough from Sungjin. 

Runs until the oxygen is busted right out of his lungs and he is panting. 

Runs until his vision starts to blur and a night sky paints itself in his head even in broad daylight.

Runs until he can’t. 

Because now he’s on the ground and the last thing he can remember is Jae. 

* * *

“Dehydration, lack of oxygen, a lot of things. It seems like he went through a lot of shock.” Wonpil opens his eyes and wakes up to a bunch of people in white, his head on a pillow and himself lying on clean sheets. To make things weirder, he sees Jae. _ Am I dead? _He thinks to himself. 

“Wonpil! You’re up! Thank God. What happened? Why were you running? You just collapsed midway I got worried. I tried to chase you but you were just too fast and I was shouting your name but you wouldn’t respond so I--” Jae stops himself when he sees Wonpil’s face looking confused.

“You collapsed. You’re in the hospital. You just need to get some rest and hydrate and you’ll be fine.” Jae stands up from his seat beside Wonpil when Wonpil finally responds. “Who took me here?” Wonpil asks Jae as if it weren’t obvious enough. 

“I did. But it’s not a big deal. You’re pretty light. I carried you on my back.” Jae responds, flexing his nonexistent back muscles. “You shouldn’t have, hyung.” Wonpil sits up and his mind goes to the one place he wish it wouldn’t: Sungjin.

“I told you, it wasn’t a big deal. It’s fine. Just get some rest.” The coldness in Wonpil’s tone is a sound he has never heard before. 

“I mean you shouldn’t have. You don’t have to care about me. Don’t bother caring about me.” Wonpil responds, his memory taking him to seeing Sungjin holding the hand of another. “Because if it were you on the ground, I would have just left you there hyung. I really would have. Why? Because I don’t care about you.” Sungjin, Sungjin, Sungjin, the scene replaying endlessly in Wonpil’s mind. “I don’t. Not one bit. This was nice of you but, please, go.” 

Jae’s chest begins to tighten, Wonpil’s cold words registering as something he misheard. “What?” 

“I said go, Jae hyung. Leave.” 

Jae laughs, trying to convince himself this is some kind of sick joke. “You’re kidding, right? I ran after you, I literally watched you collapse, Pil! I carried you to the nearest hospital because the infirmary was full. I carried you on my back!” Jae says, raising his voice not out of anger but out of confusion. “I watched you sleep and… man, Pil. I’m not the one to recount good deeds but you’re kind of being an ass right now.” 

“Go, Jae hyung. Leave me alone.” _ He looked so happy. _Wonpil thought to himself. 

“I’m staying.” Jae responds, hoping the Wonpil he had met in the coffee shop just days ago would come back. 

“Fucking go. Just go. Just go! Go! GO! Leave me. Leave me alone. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. I don’t I just fucking don’t so just go, hyung. Just go!” Wonpil takes a good look at Jae and sees tears welling up in his eyes. He wants so badly to take back his words, but just as he’s about to, nurses begin to approach Jae.

“Sir Jae, please. He needs to rest and you seem to be stressing him out. Kindly do what the patient wishes, sir.” The nurses plead with a teary-eyed Jae and he can do nothing but oblige. 

Jae walks out of the emergency room knowing for certain that the sting of Wonpil's words would take a long time to heal.

But time was never his friend.


	7. Jae

Wonpil was everywhere. 

In bits and pieces. 

In the tiniest of fragments to the largest scenes.

He was. 

Everywhere. 

Jae would stare at the black coffee he left on the counter and remember Wonpil’s whining in the coffee shop. He remembered Wonpil’s drink--Strawberry Frappucino with the extra Strawberry syrup. 

Jae let his Fortnite career gather dust. He hadn’t touched it in months. Not since. 

Jae would see notebooks and remember the way Wonpil slammed his notebook on the desk the day they wrote the haiku. 

Colors screamed Wonpil. 

Wonpil was everywhere Jae was. 

Thursdays were the worst. 

Jae would sit at the back of Creative Writing like he always would, unsure whether or not he wanted Wonpil to be seated right beside him like before. 

And he did. Wonpil always settled in the seat he found himself on the first day. 

For a moment, Jae thought that that was a good sign--it probably meant that Wonpil wasn’t closing him off of his life entirely the way Jae feared he would. 

But every day, things just got colder and colder. The distance between them was close to nonexistent, with their seats being only inches away. But the Wonpil of sweet smiles and warm words was miles away. 

What bothered Jae the most wasn’t the sudden shift in their relationship. It wasn’t that Wonpil was a 24/7 occupant of his thoughts. 

It was that he had no idea why. 

Why was Wonpil running that day? 

Why did Wonpil tell him to leave? 

Why couldn’t Wonpil tell Jae why? 

The worst part about not knowing why is your head buzzes with its own theories just to keep the daunting question at bay. 

And Jae was determined to make it all stop.

* * *

“Jae, enough.” Jae is a lightweight when it comes to drinking, so when Young K comes back to their dorm seeing 5 bottles of soju beside a barely conscious Park Jaehyung, he can’t help but get worried. “Kang Younghyun, his name on Fortnite is pianomanpil but I’ve never even heard him play the piano. He must sound lovely.” Jae is reaching for the next bottle when Young K takes a hold of his hand. Young K takes a good look at his best friend, trying to recall if there had been a time he had seen Jae this way in the past. But Young K goes blank, his memory unable to pinpoint any moment in their years together that his eyes had welled up this much tears and his body looked so frail and weak, the brokenness he is holding in the inside finding a way to manifest on the outside. 

“You won’t suddenly turn your back on me, right, Younghyun?” Young K can hear the trembling in Jae’s voice, the tone carrying much more fear than it did sadness. Young K tightened his grip on Jae’s hand. “Of course not. Do you want to talk about it?” 

But Jae couldn’t. 

And it wasn’t a matter of being drunk nor was it a matter of not wanting to. 

It’s that he literally couldn’t. 

The pain was far too much to bear that no words would ever do it justice.

How could you reduce a heartache into words? 

But even if Jae couldn’t, he had to try. 

“What if nothing happens between us?”

In the midst of the dizziness and the stumbling, the blur in his vision and the buzzing in his head, Jae reaches for his phone and starts writing. 

_ They will tell you tales _

_ Of a lover lost and a lover gone _

_ Of lovers who gave up _

_ And of those that walked away _

_ They will tell you these tales  _

_ And tell you  _

_ “These are the saddest love stories” _

_ But all that is just to hide the truth _

_ That the heaviest of stories _

_ Are not those where  _

_ One leaves and another stays _

_ They are not the ones _

_ Where one quits the fight and leaves the weight _

_ to the other’s heart _

_ These are the saddest love stories:  _

_ The tales of  _

_ A love that never began _

_ A love of hesitation  _

_ A love from a distance _

_ A love in silence  _

_ A love that never was _

_ These are the saddest love stories: _

_ The tales that were never written. _

Jae puts the phone down and suddenly all the alcohol has found a way to wash itself gone.

“I need to tell him.” Jae says, clenching his heart and knowing full well he owes it to himself to get his feelings off his chest. 

Whether they are returned or not.

  
  
  
  
  



	8. His burden to bear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took awhile. We're nearing the end of my first au and i'm really happy I made it this far HAHAHA

Wonpil remembered everything. 

Seeing Sungjin. 

Running.

Collapsing.

Hearing his name being called.

Being picked up from the ground.

The heat coming from Jae’s back. 

The sound of Jae begging Wonpil to wake up as he gasped for air. 

He remembered all this and more.

He remembered the look of relief on Jae’s face when he woke up.

He remembered the look of pain on Jae’s face when he told him to leave.

He remembered the look of confusion on Jae’s face as he walked out.

And he could still hear himself from that day. 

His anger.

His hurt.

His confusion.

Wonpil could hear himself too. 

But Wonpil also knew well that his feelings for Jae hadn’t changed.

He still loved him deeply and he can’t lie that seeing him in the hospital with him made his heart flutter.

Thoughts of Jae occupied his mind as always, but they weren’t as bright as they used to be.

There were pangs of guilt and shame that came with the mention of his name.

When Jae’s memory would resurface, the memory of Sungjin would too.

And Wonpil knew that Jae did not deserve to be loved half-heartedly.

He did not deserve Wonpil’s broken love.

He deserved it whole. 

And until the day came when Wonpil could give his heart with no cracks, he knew he had to take steps back. 

He knew Jae couldn’t wait forever. He didn’t deserve to wait until Wonpil healed completely.

Jae deserved a love Wonpil could never give.

* * *

“Wonpil.” Wonpil is on his way home from the coffee shop when a familiar voice calls his name from behind. 

He’s afraid to look back because he already knows who it is. 

“Please. Please don’t be Jae.” He thinks to himself but the hope of it being someone else vanishes just as quickly as the thought came. 

Jae reeks of alcohol and Wonpil can see that his eyes are puffy from crying. 

He knows it’s his fault.

The guilt and shame start to creep in to the corners it hadn’t yet. 

It was all over him and he could only say one thing.

“Jae, I’m sorry.” Jae is inching closer towards him and Wonpil knows he should step back. But he can’t help but admit that he wants him to be close. 

He missed Jae more than he should have. 

He missed Jae more than he had any right to.

So when Jae collapses in his arms, Wonpil can’t resist but hold him together.

Wonpil’s frail, small frame was no match for Jae’s much wider and broader built. 

But with all Wonpil had in him, he hugged Jae. 

He hugged Jae wishing that the tightness of his embrace would be strong enough to glue back all the pieces Wonpil had broken. 

He hugged Jae wishing that the warmth their bodies exchanged would be enough to rid the cold the two had been giving each other since that day. 

He hugged Jae wishing they could stay like this forever.

He hugged Jae as if he had a right to. 

He hugged Jae even if he shouldn’t have. 

Wonpil can feel Jae shaking in the midst of their embrace. He can hear his whimpers and he can feel his tears trickling from his cheek down to Wonpil’s shoulder. 

“I’m so, so sorry, Jae.” Wonpil can’t say anything else and can’t find any other words to say to the broken Jae that he is locked with at the moment. 

Jae breaks the embrace and takes a step back from Wonpil. 

Wonpil prepares himself for the worst.

He prepares himself for the goodbye.

He prepares himself for the anger coming his way.

He prepares himself to be called the worst of the worst.

He had been preparing for this moment since that day but Jae says the only thing Wonpil did not prepare for. 

“Wonpil, I love you.” 

* * *

Jae couldn’t believe what words his escaped his mouth. 

“Wonpil, I love you.” 

He kept repeating it in his head. 

Funnily enough, Jae felt lighter after launching the truth out into the open. Like a weight lifted off of his shoulder, Jae felt like he finally let go of something he had been holding on to for far too long.

And as Wonpil remained standing there in front of him speechless, Jae already knew his feelings weren’t about to be returned. 

But he was okay with that. 

* * *

“I love you too.” Wonpil wishes he could say. But he can’t. He is in no place to. Not until he has dealt with the pain Sungjin has left head on. 

And just as Wonpil is about to say everything he wish he didn’t have to, Jae cuts him short.

* * *

“But it’s okay. You don’t need to say it back.” Jae says, knowing full well Wonpil isn’t ready for anything. Jae had no idea what Wonpil had gone through but he was sure he wasn’t ready to go where Jae wanted their relationship to go.

He loved Wonpil enough to give him the space to heal.

Even if that meant taking steps back.

Even if that meant having no place in Wonpil’s life. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess tonight. It’s the alcohol.” Jae chuckles and is relieved to see Wonpil chuckle along. 

Jae takes a good look at Wonpil and lets it sink into his system. 

_ Looks like I have to just love you from afar.  _

“So, Wonpil, what do you say?” Jae asks and sees the panic return to Wonpil’s face. “Oh god.” Jae laughs and snaps out of it quick to make himself clear.

“What do you say? One round of Fortnite?” 

* * *

And Jae lied.

It wasn’t just one round of Fortnite.

In fact, they played all night until the shop closed. 

There was laughter and there was shouting. 

There was shoulder punching and a lot of “Jae hyung!!!!!” 

There was so much joy in the air. 

And Jae knew in his heart that, for now, 

_This should be enough._

As long as Wonpil doesn’t leave his life. 

Wonpil doesn’t need to love him back.

_ Wonpil just needs to stay. _

Loving Wonpil all alone was his burden to bear. 

And Jae was willing to bear that burden all his life.


	9. Everything I Should Have Said

> “Which love stories hurt the most, Wonpil?”
> 
> The coffee had gone cold and all the air in the room had been sucked out. Jae stared at Wonpil in hopes that his eyes would do the talking.
> 
> “Some might say the most heart-wrenching ones would be the stories where one walks away without notice. Or where someone dies.”
> 
> Jae added in an attempt to blur the message he wanted to send.
> 
> “What do you think, Wonpil?”
> 
> “I’m not sure, Jae hyung. Maybe the love stories that hurt the most are the ones--”
> 
> There is a sudden warmth that fell on Wonpil’s hand. His hyung’s hand is on his and suddenly he is unable to speak. He looked up and saw tears welling up in Jae’s eyes.
> 
> “... are the ones that are never written.”
> 
> The warmth on his hand left almost just as quickly as Jae. In a blink of an eye, Wonpil was all alone in the cafe with no air to breathe and only cold coffee to drink. He stared at the space once occupied by Jae and said under his breath,
> 
> “We should have written it then.”

“This…... “ Jae and Wonpil are seated in their creative writing professor’s office with barely any sleep. After enough cups of coffee to get Young K worried sick, the two of them had finally finished the final draft for their creative writing project. 

There chemistry as writers was undeniable. When Jae’s creative juices would go dry, Wonpil seemed to have all the answers. When Wonpil’s ideas were a bit too bland, Jae would spice them up and add his magic. 

They were a great tandem and they hoped the magic in their words and the color in their story would be enough to get Jae to finally graduate and Wonpil to get the grade he worked so hard for. 

“This sounds awfully personal.” Their creative writing professor isn’t known to give compliments. He has a reputation for ripping papers right in front of his students just because he doesn’t like the story. So when Jae and Wonpil see their paper whole and see his eyes flip through the pages without tearing a page, they’re relieved. 

“Personal?” Wonpil asks out of curiosity. Personal wasn’t the adjective he was expecting to hear. Moreover, Wonpil wasn’t even sure that was a good thing.

“Yeah, very personal. Aside from the fact you used your real names, the way you narrate the whole thing is so well said that I can’t help but think it’s inspired from real life events.” 

Jae and Wonpil glance at each other and nod as if to say “We nailed this.”

“Did you two ever date?” Their professor asks. “From Wonpil’s self introduction to him going to the boba place to see you, Jae. And even all the way to the confrontation in front of the coffee shop. Did any of this actually happen?” 

And like a laugh button was pushed, the two erupt and fill the room with chuckles and giggles. 

“Sir, no. None of that happened.” Jae says, wiping away the tears from laughter. 

“We’re just really close, sir. We’re in a band together and I guess we just spend so much time together we know what it would look like if one were to fall for the other.” Wonpil adds, still laughing from their professor’s remark. 

“So, Sungjin isn’t your first love, Wonpil? And who are Young K and Dowoon inspired from?” asks their creative writing professor, dismissing the fact that his two students are laughing like madmen in front of his face. 

Jae snaps out of it and replies. “Ah, those are the rest of our bandmates, sir. Young K and Dowoon really are our best friends and we sort of did Sungjin dirty by making him the bad guy.” 

“Wow, you guys really had me worried for a second there.” Their professor responds, as he wipes his reading glasses and flips through the pages of their story. 

“This is a great story. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’ll accept this as your project.” 

Jae and Wonpil leave the room with high spirits and a 100/100 marked final paper. 

When the two enter the bandroom, they are quick to share the good news. 

“Okay but don’t you guys owe me something?” Sungjin says, breaking through the celebration and the noise. 

“What do you mean, hyung? You owe me something. You didn’t reciprocate my feelings.” Wonpil replies. 

Jae looks at Wonpil and adds fuel to the fire. “Excuse me, Wonpil? It’s you who didn’t reciprocate mine. You owe me something too.” 

There is so much laughter. 

There is so much joy.

There is so much relief.

But there is also so much that hasn’t been said. 

Like how their creative writing professor wasn’t entirely wrong -- they did love each other. 

They just didn’t know.

Like how both Jae and Wonpil had imagined their story being written that way -- with one hurting and one pursuing. 

With one healing and another left waiting. 

With both too afraid to pick up the pen and start writing. 

So Jae had promised to bottle his feelings and keep them to himself.

Wonpil had promised to let the ink run dry and leave their love story unwritten.

There is so much regret.

There is so much hiding.

There is so much that hasn’t been said. 

And so when their creative writing professor texts both Jae and Wonpil asking for the final title, they both look at each other and have only one thing in mind.

_ Everything I Should Have Said. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING UNTIL THE END!!! I HOPE IT WASN'T TOO BAD LAKDJFKLJDSF THANK YOU THANK YOU I HAD TONS OF FUN WRITING THIS!!!!


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